In Which Snack Foods Are Weaponized

The first news which did penetrate my brain
Through its thick haze of sleeplessness (the pug,
My houseguest, ne'er did think to deign
To let me catch some Zs) hit like a drug.
In Tennessee, a couple's fight took place
In which the so-called weapon of their choice
Was Cheetos. Once we learned of this disgrace
The race was on among us all to voice
Opinions on how Cheetos could be used
To do real harm. In powder form, perhaps
And blown into the eyes? Mashed up and fused
Into a bludgeon? Up the nose? No maps
Exist for such a territory -- well, I hope.
But now we're poised upon a slipp'ry slope.